30 January 2015

at 36.
This week I turned 36. It was a simple and low key birthday but this year I took the time to reflect on the 35 previous years. 
One thing I know now is that I love each of my birthdays and I don't mind that extra year. I know some people want to stay young but I have to say that I love my life more than when I was 20 and everyone around me has noticed how much I have changed and how happy I am. 
When I left highschool I was overweight and I didn't think I was special or that I could make a difference to the world. Meeting my husband and finding my creativity has changed my outlook on life and most importantly has enabled me to discover who I am and that I AM. I am special to so many people even though I thought I was insignificant. I can be proud of myself and what I find the most important is that I can love myself and show the world I love myself. There is nothing wrong about believing in yourself, believing you can achieve and believing that you have a place in this world. So, who am I today?

  • I am creative (never thought I was but I am)
  • I am a mother and LOVE IT even though it is hard. Raising 4 children is LOTS OF HARD WORK but when they come to cuddle me or when they smile, my heart skips a beat.
  • I learn every day. Whether it be from my children, from my students or from the world around me. 
  • I have learnt to observe and listen, to listen to needs and listen for feelings.
  • I am singing again. I used to sing in choirs and take lessons when I was a teenager. When the kids were born and my passion was put aside but I decided I needed to sing again and I am enjoying it immensely. 
  • I  still miss South Africa. I lived in South Africa for 9 years and left when I was 11 but the day I left I knew I was leaving my home country. I have treasured each and every memory as I was afraid I'd forget. People have a hard time understanding but I know now I left a part of my heart there and I will never be able to feel 100% at home here. 
  • I miss speaking English and I get really angry sometimes because I always have to speak a language which isn't mine. I miss getting mad in English, I miss saying I love you in English, I miss chatting about daily events in English. I get all teary every time I think about it and not many people understand. 
  • I am a teacher. I love teaching languages, scrapbooking, music, ... But most of all I love being there for my students.
  • I say NO. (yay, I have learnt to say no)
  • I have an imperfect body, twin skin, and many imperfections which make me who I am. I can't say I love them, but they are a part of me and I am no longer striving to look like some ideal which doesn't exist. 
  • I love English Breakfast tea with milk.
  • I love really dark chocolate.
  • I love running and doing fitness exercises at home.
  • I love baking for others.
  • I have stopped eating gluten and feel so much better.
  • I have learnt to live with a bit of mess in the house. Hey, I live with 5 boys.
I wouldn't want to turn back time because today I feel more me than I ever have before. 
So 36 is the number which defines my age and I like it. I liked 35 too and I am sure I'll like 37 too. 

No blog post in complete without a layout. This one is with a photo of my husband and I. Photos of just us two are rare and I really love this one. My husband is so special. He has always been there for me and has changed me for the better. It feels so good to be loved so unconditionally. 


Unknown said...

Happy birthday! I loved reading your blog and I adore your layout.

Sandra K. said...

Happy Birthday! :)
Loved reading your list! I also feel like I'm getting "better", more comfortable with myself with age..and that's pretty cool *gg*
Also, awesome layout!!! Love the golden accents!!

Anne said...

Happy Birthday, great post! I can relate to feeling not really at home (being German and married to an American who works for the Military). I am teaching my kids German and hope they will not forget it. but I sometimes I wish I could go back in time, to be closer to my family again.

Louise said...

ahh that's a lovely post Lilith ( i wish i was 36 again..I loved my thirties). Happy Belated Birthday to you x

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