When life hits you ...

4 March 2016
And there I went planning out the month of March and than something popped up which meant I have to make some big changes in my plans. As most of you might know I have been suffering with back pain for a couple of months. I had a scan last Friday and on Sunday I started having excruciating pain. The results show I have a herniated disc which is the cause of these pains. I'm on heavy medication (which is something I don't like but which is necessary) and it also means I am in no state to create or to do anything else. I feel like a zombie and all I want to do is sleep. My doctor just reduced my medication to help get rid of the sleepiness.
 I need to give my body time to rest but I feel that little voice in me already worrying about preparing exams for school, how I'm going to help my students and how I am going to keep things going at home. I feel useless and as if I'm letting everyone down. Maybe I try to hard and put to much pressure on myself. I think that if I can't keep up and live up to expectations people will see me as a failure. They don't. I am the one who puts that image into my mind. I am working on letting myself heal but that urge to always be on top of things is still deep down inside. I am my worst enemy at times. 
I'll try to keep up with the schedule so tomorrow I'll be back with a little class close-up from one of my many fellow teachers at BPC.

And just to finish off with a bit of creative fun, here is a colour combo I created over a year ago for Esprit Scrapbooking .





Have a great weekend.

Lilith

3 comments

Anna Uhras said...

Oh!!!! Poor girl ♡ Just relax and be kind to yourself now Lilith!!
Everything will be alright!
My thoughts and prayers are with och you ♡
And to the end, your layout is gorgeous!!! And I loved to do my take on your "lift" challenge. You are incredible to have had that inspiration even if you have had all that pain for so long time!
Take care ! Anna xo

Els said...

Auwch! Ik weet hoe het voelt, en begrijp ook die innerlijke strijd die ermee gepaard gaat. Geloof me, niemand kijkt naar je op die manier zoals jij het je voorstelt. Rust is het enige dat je lichaam op dit moment kan helpen. Veel sterke! En hopelijk voel je je snel weer beter.
Els.

Стокли said...

Don't be too hard on yourself, if you need time to rest and heal - take it. Your health and time is the most precious thing you have and can give to the people around you.
And beautiful page.